If sex in your marriage feels like something you endure, manage, or tick off, you’re not alone.
Many women don’t say it out loud, but inside they’re thinking:
- Let me get this over with.
- I hope he finishes quickly.
- I’m tired, but I don’t want to cause issues.
When sex feels like a chore, it’s not because you’re cold, lazy, or uninterested in intimacy.
It’s usually because sex has stopped feeling like it’s for you, too.
Why sex starts to feel like a chore for many women.
For a lot of women, sex becomes a duty long before it becomes a desire.
Here’s why:
1. You were taught that sex is for the man
Many women were raised with one clear message: Good wives satisfy their husbands.
So sex becomes something you give, not something you experience.
When sex is always framed as:
- Your responsibility
- Your obligation
- Proof of being a good wife
Your body eventually resists, because pleasure cannot thrive where obligation lives.
2. You don’t actually enjoy the experience
This is a hard truth many women struggle to admit. If sex:
- Feels rushed
- Rarely includes your pleasure
- Ends before you’re aroused
- Leaves you unsatisfied
Your body learns to associate sex with discomfort, boredom, or emotional emptiness. No one looks forward to an experience that gives nothing back.
3. Your sexual needs are rarely prioritized
When sex is always about his release, timing, or mood, intimacy loses balance. Over time, you stop expecting pleasure. And when there’s no expectation of pleasure, there’s no anticipation. Just compliance.
4. Emotional connection is missing
For many women, sexual desire is deeply connected to emotional safety.
If you feel:
- Unheard
- Unappreciated
- Emotionally distant
Your body doesn’t easily open up sexually. Sex without emotional connection often feels mechanical.
What it’s really costing you (beyond the bedroom)
When sex feels like a chore, the cost is deeper than the bedroom.
It slowly steals:
- Your desire
- Your sensual confidence
- Your sense of being wanted
- Your joy in intimacy
You may start to feel disconnected from your body.
You may begin to resent sex, or even your partner, without fully understanding why.
And the saddest part?
You may start to believe that this is just how marital sex is.
Sex was never meant to be something you tolerate.
It was meant to be mutual, enjoyable, connecting, life-giving.
How sex stops feeling like a chore
Sex begins to change when:
- You permit yourself to enjoy it
- Your pleasure becomes part of the conversation
- Intimacy slows down
- Sex becomes about connection and experience, not just completion
This doesn’t start with techniques.
It starts with a mindset shift:
Sex is not something I owe. It is something I participate in.
A question for you – If sex was truly for you too…
What would need to change?
When insight isn’t enough, support matters
Understanding why sex feels like a chore is an important first step.
But insight alone doesn’t always create change.
For many women, the real shift happens when they have personal guidance, a safe space to speak honestly, and support that is tailored to their body, their marriage, and their experiences.
This is where 1-on-1 sex coaching comes in.
In private sessions, I work with women and couples to:
- Identify what has quietly shut desire down
- Unlearn obligation-based intimacy
- Rebuild emotional and physical connection
- Create a sexual relationship that feels mutual, satisfying, and alive again
This is not about techniques or performance.
It’s about restoring presence and pleasure, at a pace your body can trust.
If sex in your marriage has started to feel like something you manage rather than enjoy, you don’t have to accept that as your normal.
Support is available.
You can learn more about my 1-on-1 sex coaching services and how we can work together by clicking HERE.
Olawunmiesan is one of Africa’s renowned sex therapists who helps individuals and couples improve intimacy and enjoy sexual pleasure, connection, and fulfillment.
To learn more about her works, visit: www.olawunmiesan.com
