Many women struggle with asking for what they want in bed, and it’s not because they are selfish or demanding. Often, it’s because of how we were taught about sex growing up.
You may have learned that a good wife is quiet, accommodating, and focused on pleasing her husband. This mindset alone can make your pleasure secondary.
Over time, you may notice things like:
- Saying yes to sex even when you don’t feel like it
- Never asking for the things that truly excite you
- Waiting for your partner to read your mind
All of this can make your sex life feel frustrating, disconnected, or less enjoyable.
Why does expressing your needs feel hard
It’s normal to feel nervous about expressing your desires. Some reasons include:
- Fear of judgment or rejection
- Worrying you’re being too demanding
- Feeling unsure about your own pleasure or what you like
- Believing your partner should just know what you want
Steps to start expressing yourself
The good news is that expressing your desires is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned. Here’s how to start:
1. Know what you want
Take time to explore yourself. Notice what feels good during intimate moments with your partner. The more you understand your body, the easier it is to express your needs.
2. Use simple, clear language
You don’t need long speeches. Simple phrases work best, such as:
- I like it when you do this slowly.
- Can we try this differently tonight?
- I love it when you touch me here.
3. Communicate during sex, not just after
Giving feedback in the moment is more effective than discussing it only after sex. You can guide your partner gently while enjoying yourself, making the experience more mutual and satisfying
4. One step at a time
You don’t need to know everything at once. Treat your bedroom like a playful exploration space. This way, you reduce the pressure and make expressing desires easier.
Take it further with Sexcapades
If you want to go beyond just communicating your desires, Sexcapades is your guide.
In this book, you’ll learn how to:
- Build confidence in the bedroom without fear or hesitation
- Explore your pleasure and communicate it freely
- Create unforgettable, mind-blowing experiences for both you and your partner
- Transform sex from a routine task into an exciting, playful adventure
Sexcapades shows you step by step how to enjoy intimacy fully, without overthinking, faking, or performing. It’s about reclaiming your pleasure and becoming a confident, empowered lover.
By practicing the tips in this blog and using Sexcapades as a guide, you’ll gradually feel more comfortable expressing what you want, creating a sex life that is fulfilling and deeply satisfying.
Buy Sexcapades here.
Olawunmiesan is one of Africa’s renowned sex therapists who helps individuals and couples improve intimacy and enjoy sexual pleasure, connection, and fulfillment.
To learn more about her works, visit: www.olawunmiesan.com
