Dear Olawunmi,
My husband says nothing turns him on. This has made me rather passive during sex. What should I do?
Hello there,
Thank you for reaching out to me with your concern. It’s clear that you’re feeling frustrated and unsure about how to navigate this situation, but I’m here to offer some guidance
First, I want to acknowledge your feelings. It can be disheartening when your efforts to connect with your partner fall flat. You might question your desirability or wonder if you’re doing something wrong. Let me assure you, it’s not about you lacking anything.
Your partner’s claim that “nothing turns him on” could stem from various factors. He might be experiencing stress, anxiety, or even a deeper emotional or psychological issue that’s affecting his libido. It’s also worth considering that he might not fully understand what arouses him, which can be confusing for both of you.
So, what can you do?
1. Open the Lines of Communication
Gently express your feelings to him. Let him know that you’re concerned, not just for the sake of your sex life, but for his well-being too. Create a space where he feels safe to talk about what’s going on, without judgment or pressure.
2. Explore Together
Sometimes, when a person says “Nothing turns me on,” it’s because they haven’t explored their desires enough to know what does. Suggest trying new activities together, whether that’s in the bedroom or outside of it. Non-sexual intimacy, like cuddling, holding hands, or even just spending quality time together, can help rekindle connection and maybe spark something that turns him on.
3. Explore Therapy
If this issue persists, it might be worth seeking the help of a sex therapist. In therapy, the therapist will work with you to explore any underlying issues and guide both of you toward a more satisfying intimate life. Is therapy an option you would like to explore, book a session with me here
4. Be Patient
It’s important to be patient with your partner, and with yourself. Sexual desire can be a complex and sensitive issue, and it may take time to work through it together.
Remember, intimacy is not just about physical connection, but emotional closeness as well. Continue to nurture that emotional bond, and you might find that the physical side will follow.
Stay strong, and know that you’re not alone in this journey.
Rooting for you
Olawunmi