I’ve worked with so many women who have experienced sexual trauma, and one of the most common fears they have is this: Will I ever enjoy sex?
The answer is yes, but healing takes time, patience, and the right support.
Let me share some insights from working with one of my clients (shared with permission) during sessions. When we first started working together, she struggled with sex in her marriage, but through multiple sessions, she slowly began to reconnect with her body and now experiences pleasure in ways she never thought possible.
The first step: acknowledging where you are.
Client: I don’t know if I’ll ever enjoy sex. I want to, but I feel disconnected from my body. It’s like I’m stuck, and I don’t know how to move past it.
Me: I hear you. The first thing I want you to know is that healing is a journey, and there’s no set timeline. What you’re feeling is valid. Instead of pressuring yourself to “fix” it overnight, let’s start by understanding where you are:
– What makes you feel safe, and what triggers discomfort?
– How do you currently view sex and pleasure?
– What small steps can we take to help you feel more in control of your body again?
Healing starts with self-awareness. We don’t force progress—we create space for it to happen naturally.
Rebuilding safety and trust with your body
Client: Even small touches make me tense up. It’s frustrating because I want to be close to my partner, but my body reacts on its own.
This is completely normal. Trauma rewires the nervous system, making your body hyper-alert to danger, even when there is none.
To rebuild safety, we worked on:
- Non-sexual touch, like applying lotion or hugging herself.
- Sensory grounding through textures, scents, and warmth.
- Breathwork to relax before intimacy.
Over time, she started noticing small changes—less resistance, more curiosity, and even moments of enjoyment.
Redefining pleasure on your terms
Client: I never saw pleasure as something for me. It always felt like something I had to give to someone else.
One of the biggest shifts in healing is reclaiming pleasure as yours. For many trauma survivors, sex has felt like an obligation rather than something they truly desire.
To shift this mindset, we explored pleasure in non-sexual ways:
- Enjoying activities that made her feel good, like dancing.
- Taking the pressure off sex and focusing on small moments of joy.
- Allowing herself to experience pleasure without guilt.
The more she reconnected with her body in daily life, the easier it became to translate that into sexual intimacy.
Communicating needs without fear
Client: I’m afraid to tell my partner what I need. What if he doesn’t understand?
Communication is key to feeling safe in intimacy. Together, we worked on ways she could express her needs, set boundaries, and gradually introduce new experiences at her own pace.
Some of the things she practiced:
– Saying, “I want to take things slow because I’m still learning what feels good for me.”
– Letting her partner know she might need to pause or change things during sex.
– Exploring non-penetrative forms of sex to build confidence and comfort.
Her partner, once unsure of how to help, became a supportive part of her healing journey.
Where She Is Now
Through multiple sessions, she learned how to reconnect with her body, communicate her needs, and most importantly, experience pleasure in a way that felt safe and fulfilling.
Client: I never thought I’d say this, but I actually enjoy sex now. I feel more in control of my pleasure, and for the first time, I’m not just doing it for my partner—I’m doing it for me
This is possible for you too. Healing from sexual trauma is not about “fixing” yourself—it’s about rediscovering what pleasure means on your terms.
If you’re ready to take the first step, it’s time you book sex therapy sessions with me. Together, we can work through your concerns in a safe, supportive space and help you move toward the pleasure you deserve.
Book your session HERE