A member of my private community for women asked this question:
“My husband says sex should be spontaneous, not planned. Planning works better for me, but he says planning is boring. What can I do?”
Ah, the age-old debate: Planned sex vs spontaneous sex.
First, your husband is speaking from a very common mindset. The mindset that if your sex life is good, sex should be passionate and spontaneous, not something you put on a calendar.
After all, who wants to put something as sexy as sex on a calendar, right?
But here’s the reality: Some people genuinely do better with a plan.
The problem is that planned sex gets a bad rap. When people hear “planned sex,” they often think:
“Planning sounds mechanical. Sex shouldn’t be mechanical.”
The truth is: Planned sex and Spontaneous sex can both be amazing.
They both serve a purpose.
Spontaneous sex is HOT! You know that moment when you are feeling each other, and before you know it, you’re having a passionate, steamy encounter that makes you blush when you think about it later.
But planned sex can be hot too. I’m talking about PREMEDITATED PLEASURE
Beyond helping you prioritize intimacy, planned sex allows you to create an entire experience.
Think of it like this: A delicious, quick meal versus a full seven-course dining experience.
Both have their place, and both can be incredibly satisfying.
With planned sex, you get to anticipate.
– What kind of experience are we creating?
– What do I want us to enjoy?
– What positions do we want to explore?
– What would make this memorable?
Planning creates room for intention, anticipation, and creativity. It allows you to create unforgettable experiences
So, what do you do when one partner prefers spontaneous sex and the other prefers planned sex?
– Reevaluate the mindset that one approach is better than the other.
– Be open to experiencing and enjoying both.
– If planning feels too rigid, make it more flexible and playful.
Remember that spontaneity and planning don’t have to compete. They can complement each other.
A healthy sex life often has room for both the spark of spontaneity and the anticipation of planning.
If you’d like more ideas for creating exciting and unforgettable sexual experiences together, grab a copy of my book Sexcapades HERE
If you’d like to join my private community for women, click HERE
