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Love Your Spouse Like You (Would) Love Your Child

I like to call this an open secret.

It’s an open secret that many of us are blinded to and unfortunately, never get to consider.

I also was blinded to it for quite a while, until one day I was speaking to my husband about how much I love our daughter. I was telling him that the love I feel for our daughter is so strong that words can’t even express it.

My expectation was that he would echo the feelings and say he felt the same way but alas, his response was far from that.

‘What about me?’ he asked, ‘Do you love me that way as well?’

Truth be told, I was taken aback. I hadn’t really considered it in that light and I stammered what could be passed off as a satisfactory answer.

He wasn’t satisfied.

Don’t get me wrong, I never allowed having a child relegate my husband to the back seat. I was just loving him differently from how I loved my child because I felt that was the right thing to do.

Then it dawned on me. Why did I think it was right to love my child differently from the way I loved my husband.

My answer wasn’t even good enough to me. Well…. my husband is a man, an adult, he can take care of himself. He doesn’t need my protection like my child does…..blah blah blah

I knew it wasn’t fair. This is the person I get to spend the rest of my life with, long after all the kids are up and married and have their own families.

This person is my life, my love. I was made from his missing rib for crying out loud. What right did I have to hold back from loving him as fiercely (or even more fiercely) as I love my child.

And come to think of it, would I be okay if he said he loved our child more fiercely than he did me? NO WAY!!!

He was right not to be okay that I loved him differently.

Then I began to place them side by side. When my child makes a mess, I clean it up and forgive her (sometimes even laugh about it without getting upset).

How did I react to my husband when he made a mess? I’d get super upset and pout. Granted he is an adult, but it takes nothing from me to clean it up, or ask him to clean it up without getting upset. Plus if I had to give him a spanking, it could lead to sex right? (wink wink)

Placing them side by side put things in perspective for me. I began to treat him with more patience, love him more fiercely, anticipate his needs even before he realized it and create more time to be with him.

Did all this care-giving leave me out of the love triangle? No it didn’t.

He began to notice my efforts and reciprocate them.

It’s easy to overlook the fact that your spouse needs your attention and love just as much as your child does. Not because you are a bad person but because you have never consciously put your spouse and your child, side by side on your love scale.

Like I said, open secret.

TAKE ACTION today. Do the comparison and if it turns out you are showing more love to your child than your spouse, it will be a good idea to turn up the loving on your spouse.

Your efforts will be noticed and you also will be in for some good loving.

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P.S I always love to hear from you. Do drop your comments below.