Read This Before You Set Those Relationship Goals

Girl: I see us having 2 kids, a house with a white picket fence, a Labrador and 2 luxury vehicles. My parents would visit during Easter, your parents would visit for Christmas but we should have both parents come around for Thanksgiving. I also think we should run a joint account for long term savings, while still keeping our individual accounts. In addition, we should also have an account for the children’s college fund. Very importantly, we need to plan for vacations twice a year, one for us and the kids, the other for just you and I. It’s vital that we keep our relationship full of life. What do you think?

Guy: *clears throat* We have only been together for 6 months and I haven’t said anything about getting married to you.

This happens even to the best of us. We get ahead of ourselves and go ahead to plan the 10th year wedding anniversary before the relationship is 3 months old!

I may have put the lady as the goal setter in my illustration, but the reverse could also be the case.

Setting relationship goals is quite common place. Everywhere you look, almost everyone is hash-tagging relationship goals. Even when there are no hashtags, every couple’s picture screams ‘We are setting relationship goals!’

From Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, to 2face and Annie….everywhere you look, you see people either speaking of or actualising relationship goals. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that, what is more important is finding out if you and your other half are on the same page and have the same goals in mind.

A goal is a desired result that a person (or people) envision, plan and commit to, in order to achieve a desired end point.

A relationship goal is no different. In this case, you have 2 people working to achieve a desired end point. Operative word being ‘DESIRED’

Before going ahead on this goal setting mission, ask yourself these questions.

“Is your desire in tandem with your partner’s desire? Or is the desire solely yours?”

“Are the goals envisioned by both of you, or are they envisioned by just you?”  If the latter is the case, what you have is merely a pipedream rather than a goal.

Never assume that your goals are in tandem. Never assume you are psychic enough to read the other person’s mind. Never go ahead to make plans towards achieving a relationship goal when you are unsure of where the other person stands. Never set relationship goals based on your expectations alone.

Communicate. Find out what the other person envisions. If he or she is non-committal, they probably are not ready to set such goals with you.

As beautiful as it may be to take pictures as a couple and trend with #Relationshipgoals, it is important you ascertain that both of you are jointly committed towards realising a common goal.

Unless you know this, going at it solo may just be you setting the stage for your own heartbreak.

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Originally published by Olawunmi Esan on