There are numerous reasons why a couple may find themselves in a NO SEX RUT. Reasons ranging from relationship issues, stress, work, sexual issues, lack of emotional connection to being unable to adjust to having a new baby (or even simply having kids).
Sex is a very important aspect of marriage and when things go wrong in that department, the fallout can be really bad for other aspects of the marriage, especially in cases where one person wants it and the other doesn’t.
Here are a few pointers to getting out of a no sex rut. At the heart of each pointer is that you have to START COMMUNICATING!
Figure Out the Real Issue Behind the no sex rut. Whatever the issue, the first step fixing a no sex rut is to understand the reason behind it. Be as honest as possible with yourselves as you work toward retracing your steps.
Nurture Emotional Intimacy. I know most people think the fix to a no-sex rut is simply to start having sex again. Duh!! Truth is, depending on how long you’ve been in the rut, jumping right back in the sack may not be so easy.
An important step to take is to start rebuilding your intimacy outside the bedroom by spending quality time together, understanding and speaking each other’s love language, having intimate conversations about Sex, and building affection with both sexual and non-sexual touch.
Remember the good old days. If Sex was ever great, try remembering how good it used to be before it became history. Have conversations about what felt good, your most memorable sexual experiences together, and more. That could get the juices flowing.
Prioritize spending time together. Yeah, it’s easy to prioritize everything else BUT our sexual connection but the truth is your sex life CANNOT run on autopilot. If you don’t prioritize and nurture it, you won’t make much progress. Decide how important sex is to you as a couple and PRIORITIZE!
Ease into Sex. Having been out of the game for a bit, you want to ease into getting back to Sex. Easing back into Sex could help create anticipation, excitement and give you both something to look forward to beyond just intercourse.
Create what I call “Intimacy infusions” where you commit to taking a few minutes off in the middle of your day to kiss, make-out, text/chat and connect intimately.
Before long, you both will be wanting more… much more.
See a therapist.
If you have tried all these and nothing seems to be working, seeing a therapist would be a good next step to help you both to figure out a way forward.
I help couples (and individuals) enjoy fulfilling sex in their marriages and I can work with you to navigate getting out of a no sex rut.
Book a session with me by sending email to info@olawunmiesan.com.