Imagine this, you are heading to a destination with a friend, and your successful arrival at the destination is dependent on you and your friend working in tandem and communicating with each other. But there’s a problem. You and your friend speak different languages!
How frustrating would that be?
But isn’t that pretty much what happens in relationships? Partners speak different languages and insist on communicating in their language.
You love ‘gifts’, so you shower your partner with gifts, but what they want is ‘quality time’ with you. You appreciate your partner’s service to you, so you give them your service as well when what they desire to hear you say are words that affirm them.
Now imagine having an app that can translate what you say into your friend’s language. This means you go from futile attempts at communicating to fruitful attempts because now your friend can understand what you say.
This is what understanding your partner’s Love Language does for you. It gives you the ability to understand and speak the language of love they understand. Speaking your partner’s language fluently can transform your relationship.
Let’s explore each language and what you can do for your partner depending on what their primary love language is.
1. Words of Affirmation:
Heartfelt compliments, words of encouragement, and verbal expressions of affection. For your partner, sweet nothings aren’t just whispers; they are love poems!
Tips: Tell them how much you appreciate them, not just “I love you.” Highlight their strengths and celebrate their achievements. Leave love notes hidden in unexpected places.
Example: “You are amazing’, ‘Your smile brightens my day.” “I feel blessed to have you in my life”
2. Acts of Service:
Forget grand gestures; it’s the little things that matter! Doing chores, running errands, and taking care of their needs without being asked speaks volumes in this language.
Tips: Make them coffee in the morning, take care of the kids, pick up their takeout instead of asking them to cook, pack lunch for them, and offer a massage after a long day.
Go through their to-do list and offer a helping hand.
3. Receiving Gifts
This isn’t about materialism; it’s about thoughtfulness. Gifts, big or small, show you understand them and care about them.
Tips: Don’t wait for special occasions before you gift them. If this is your partner’s love language you can surprise them with something they love, create personalized gifts for them, or buy them something they mentioned wanting.
4. Quality Time
Put away the distractions, unplug from the world, and truly connect. This language thrives on focused attention and shared experiences.
Tips: Plan regular date nights, engage in meaningful conversations without interruptions, take a walk hand-in-hand, and find activities you both enjoy. Listen actively and be present in the moment.
5. Physical Touch:
Most people think physical touch means sex but not quite. Physical touch can either be sexual or non-sexual affectionate touch. It is important to understand what physical touch means to your partner.
Cuddles, kisses, holding hands, and in some cases, sexual touch. It’s about connecting via touch.
Tips: Offer spontaneous hugs and kisses, give a hand massage while watching TV, initiate cuddling, and have sex.
Remember, love languages are a spectrum, and most people have a combination of two or more. Pay attention to what makes your partner’s eyes light up, and don’t be afraid to ask them directly what makes them feel loved. Speaking their language isn’t about perfection; it’s about making a conscious effort to show your love in a way they truly understand.
Bonus tip: Keep a “Love Language Journal” where you note down things your partner says they appreciate or actions that make them feel loved. This will be a treasure trove of inspiration for future expressions of affection!